Love performing. Hate delivering speeches. Joined Toastmasters.
I have always found it extremely fascinating how easy it is for me to perform; act, dance, recite poetry, perform spoken word.
What is it about being Macbeth or Cinderella’s evil stepmother that comes to me naturally when the thought of giving a five-minute prepared speech leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth?
Feelings before the event
While I am both nervous and excited and excited before a performance I am definitely MORE excited than nervous. When I have had to give a prepared speech in the past all I can remember are the nerves. This has always fascinated me, as on the surface these seem like very similar activities. One gets up in front of a large group of people and proceeds to deliver a literary something… verbally. My mind, however, seems to view these matters in two entirely different lights.
Reasons why I react differently to the two activities
Different comfort levels with the material
With plays, I have studied the character enough to feel like the character is me and I am the character and because playing a part on stages follows “natural conversation” this mimics the conversations I naturally have every day. I am the character and the character is me. With spoken-word and poetry, the concentration is on the emotions I am trying to evoke rather than an intelligible point I am trying to make. On the other hand with delivering a speech, there is the pressure to sound smart, be coherent, remember the speech order and structure to ensure your argument is sound and you are just not rumbling. All this isn’t supernatural if one is not a career politician.
I don’t do well with tasks that require memorization.
I like physics, not Biology. I enjoy freestyle dancing to choreographed dancing. There is something about memorizing 1,2,3 pages of a block of a text that just not sit right with my soul.
The Human interaction factor
With a performance one gets to build a rapport with the audience with a speech depending on the topic this is a little more subtle. On a bad day, you may find yourself on stage, staring at 100, 200, 300 blank faces.
Discovering my lacking Oratory skills
I realized I was not good at prepared speeches during high school when I tried out for our toastmaster's chapter and did not make it. Over the years, during college and in my short career I have realized the reasons above sort of boil down to my comfort level before the audience. So now, when I am not super well prepared for a presentation and have no more extra time to prepare I concentrate on managing my comfort level. I slow myself down and, rather than focusing on convincing my audience I am amazing because of what I say, I concentrate on controlling the mood in the room.
If I succeed in creating a calm and controlled atmosphere I have already halfway succeeded in making my audience confident in whatever it is I am delivering.
The remaining side effect of my nerves is that, if I am nervous it is hard for me to be enthusiastic so I am boring when I am nervous. But, the last time I checked, It is not a crime to be boring and competent.
Joining Toastmasters
With all I have learnt, If I had to guess, I think the reason I did not make it into the toastmasters club in high school was that I cared too much about what the panellist thought of me. I had not completely mastered myself when I attempted to join. I decided to join toastmasters as an adult to see if all the lessons I have learnt over the last couple of years translate into effortless delivery of prepared formal speeches in a formal ‘public speech’ setup.
As a woman with a lot to say. Who knows in a couple of years I may be called on to give a TedX speech or something. I may be called on to educate the masses. When that happens, I want to guarantee that I am more excited than nervous.